So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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