Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
