Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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