I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
