Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
