my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
