In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
