It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
