you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
