We're facebook friends in real life
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
