You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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