dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
