I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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