see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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