I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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