i think my tv is drunk
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
