i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
