the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
