Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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