i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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