She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
