halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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