Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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