Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
