Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
