six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
