Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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