my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
