I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
