dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
