About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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