Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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