I'm eating all of the evidence.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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