I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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