I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
