You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
