Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he high fived his dick after we had sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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