i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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