Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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