I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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