i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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