dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
