I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
