I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
