I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
