so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I died a long time ago.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
