Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
