i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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