yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
