Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we made out on top of his cat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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