I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
