I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
