There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
