He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
