i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So vagazzling was a success
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
