i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
