Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
