All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
