The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw a hot homeless man
You can't motorboat a personality
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
