New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I forget how to act sober
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