Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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