omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
