I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
