East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Let's paint friendship bongs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
