he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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