every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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