Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
