we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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