my sisters under your porch take her home
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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