I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
