Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
