wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
