Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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