Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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