It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
