Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
