someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
