I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
