Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She's JV to your varsity
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
