I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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