Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
